just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
