Soap is not a condiment
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
