She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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