I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
