I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
