Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
