Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
