i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
