we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
