You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
