Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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