why do cheetos always look like penises
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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