Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
