If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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