You can't motorboat a personality
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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