So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
