I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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