so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.