i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died