i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad