Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.