Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
pray to the hookup gods
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
