we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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