Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
