I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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