Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
