true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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