Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
the raccoons are back...
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