please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again