You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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