my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
