plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
