Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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