this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
