You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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