it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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