You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
pray to the hookup gods
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
