There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
