I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize