I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
