can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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