I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
