Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was born a porn star she said
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
