I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
