one word: firstdatebathroomanal
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
