Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
