i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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