If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
