that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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