girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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