Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
