new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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