It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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