She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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