You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So much rum. So many feels.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
