I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
