I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
