i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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