so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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