Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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