My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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