Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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