Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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