You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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